February 28, 2011

Nonophobia!!!

.in“NO! NO! NO!”. Check that out man.. That’s so easy... Isn’t it?
 I said this to myself a million times now and a zillion times before to make myself or may be my alter ego follow as to how easy in the world is it to say “NO!” They are just two Alphabets “N” and “O”. Yet, I fail miserably every time and ensure myself that this will be the last time I am running away from the fact that I am pathetically incapable of saying the silly word  “NO”.

I have realized that I suffer from this severe disorder which makes me completely incapable to pronounce the word “NO”. I have christened this disorder as “Nonophobia”.  The tragedy is that my profession demands this word every other second and I end up choosing to waste immense amount of time but yet do not prefer to whisper that little word. I wonder looking at people who seem like all they know is this negative word as to don’t they have any word in their dictionary? But, when I realize what a loss am I facing since that is one of the few words missing form my vocal dictionary I choose to keep quiet and not dare to make a comment on it.
To be honest, I have always had trouble in my life just because of Nonophobia. Am sure you guys would be very eager to know the symptoms. You should realize that you suffer from it when-
·         Uneasiness if you know that in some time you are supposed to blurt out this word.
·         Then you realize uneasiness is caused since you know that the listener is going to be hurt and highly depressed or mostly may think wrong of you. (This can be the alter ego trying to influence your thoughts)
·         Your thoughts mostly is towards thinking how uncomfortable or low will the listener feel and t you will be the sole reason for their grief.
·        At times when you have option of either telling it orally or written. You immediately chose the latter. (Escaping the situation)
·        You realize that your saying no would be determined by another person as you are doing this because you just do not want to help/ support them.

Having written this I now feel that this whole problem arises because WE THINK when we shouldn’t be doing so. J I have screwed things for myself successfully a lot of times. But, the big blow was when I realized that it is hampering my work. Being a HR, the first word one should know is “NO” because that’s the result of 90% of the interviews conducted. You would often complain of a HR not giving you a reply about the interview, but this phobia may be the fact and I personally know lots of them indulging in “Silence” since they suffer from Nonophobia. However, my work ethics does not permit myself to leave things unfinished and it’s complete only when I let the candidate know the result, for which I prefer sending him mail.

Last Friday I was caught up in a similar situation. This time I chose to face my phobia and tell it to a fresher directly in a very polite manner. I went up to him and saw his face with all expectations seeking for an answer from me so that he can immediately reply with a “thank you!” He held his phone so tightly as if he would soon give a call back home to let them know about the result. I found myself thinking if I should mail but I finally told him that one word. He was blank, gaped at me and said “Pardon”. Demotivation was all I could see on his face. He was upset and then revealed to me how his confidence is going low since he cannot bag any jobs. I then turned on the philosopher in me and convinced him that things will work out and on how he should go about it. After 20 minutes of talk, that smile was back on his face. He then thanked me and confessed that he is feeling much better. Just before leaving, he thanked me for giving him a feedback unlike many other HR.

J I did feel a little bad initially looking at how demotivated my response made him feel but ultimately he had regained all his confidence back and probably now knew how he had to improve himself. I was happy that this phobia of mine which I just overcame had infact proved to be helpful for somebody indirectly. Laughing at how wrong I was until now, I realized as to even a negative response if stated with a proper reason or justification and communicated in a right manner will ultimately give a positive result.

Didn’t we all learn in Mathematics (negative *negative)= positive?? It took me so long to ultimately figure that out!!! Silly me! :)

Adieu,
HPK!!!

February 24, 2011

Choose to Loose!!!


It was just another hectic day, a day as regular, as monotonous and as mechanical as always. The regular office, gym and back home gaping at the television followed by torturing the remote as if to hold it responsible for those stupid shows on TV, then turn on the Laptop seeking to find some relief which again proves to be a wrong option and finally call my loved ones to get some stress out which is the best option ever. AND THE DAY ENDS.
Boring, isn’t it???? Trust me if I would be you, my answer would be “Boring?!?!? Isn’t the word”. This was a day just a little different and that’s the reason it found a place in my blog. This day had just turned horrible since it had poured heavily in Bangalore which is directly related to the absence of electricity in our country (Needless to say). I was being taken for a ride by all the mosquitoes, which I did not know until then, were hidden in my room in such huge numbers. Absence of sleep, increasing heat, sweat were all irritating me to the extent that I chose to go, prepare a cup of coffee with the help of candle and sip it at the time of night when the clock had struck past one.
Whoa!! Having nothing to do, I just gave a thought about the random happenings in my life. Initially, there was a smile which eventually began fading. Then, on a more serious note I thought as to where am I heading to? Which direction? Is it where I want to go or be tomorrow, or is it that I have no clue? Only questions and questions stirred. Some found answers but none of it seemed to have the power to convince me.
25 years on…. lots of moments cherished, lots of dreams turned  true, lots of people truly valued, lots of people came and went by, lots of foolishness attempted, lots of happy moments lived, lots of lessons learnt. Also, Lots of dreams shattered, lots of aspirations unfulfilled, lots of words left unsaid, lots of pain seen,  lots of friendship broken, lots of relationships lost its value, lots of mistakes committed, lots of people ignored, lots of emotional baggage carried…..
Majority of the things which were under my control has turned out to be the way I wanted or perceived it to be. But, those silly things failed, when huge in number makes one feel like things are left undone and incomplete. At times, I feel that I do not even know what I want anymore. I am becoming more like a leaf that’s detached from the tree it once belonged to, and now follows the breeze not knowing the destination. Guess, it’s the story with most of us. Before realizing, another person’s dream or comfort becomes so important to us that every work we indulge in only focuses to check if it’s making them smile. We begin to find happiness in theirs. It’s certainly a good thing but what’s bad is when we lose ourselves, our identity. Keeping all of them happy is important, it is imbibed within us that  it is our duty to do so but no one ever has preached or forced us to forget what we want. Frankly, this thing doesn’t even fall into a category of Sacrificing. Sacrificing is something very divine, something which you choose not to do or to give away for someone else’s sake. Here, I merely forget what’s  that I like, what is it that I want, what is it that I wish for myself. Every silly thing done, every action of mine is automatically weighed and judged by myself from another’s eyes, keeping in mind the society, their views and their take on my action.
Then I thought, who is it that we should blame?
 If we ourselves do not stand up and speak out what we want to do, who else will?
Why do we choose to not walk on the path that we prefer and just be a mere follower?
Why do we first think of making another person comfortable when we know that we are actually suffocating within?
Why do we wish to add colors from our life into theirs with the fear that their canvas of life is becoming duller?
Why is it that extra work for which we sweat crazily fail to exhaust us. Is it because we know the benefits reaped are only for them?
What happiness is it that we find when we see them smiling and at ease in spite of knowing that our  wish list has just been carried over to another page?
Whose voice is it within us that force us to do things like this and whose voice is that which is raising these questions?
Whatever said and done, their smile when increases just by small lengths, their expressions when is at ease, when you know the thoughts running in their head is not adding to any more tensions and when you know that you are the reason behind it.. U ALSO KNOW THAT ALL THE EXTRA EFFORT PUT WAS WORTH IT AND THAT YOU WOULD REPEAT IT A MILLION TIME!!!
Having said that, I accept wholeheartedly that I suck big time and I am a sheer loser. I chose to be one. I do not know to live life any other way than this. But, if you think you can change it for yourself and along with keeping them happy can also do wonders for yourself then go ahead, because the fool that I am, it will only make me happy for having contributed to your life as well.          

Keep Smiling,
HPK!!! 

February 10, 2011

Beach Memoirs!!!



Pic clicked by me of Mlore beach in '07
Today, I overheard two people in a restaurant talk about the beach. Listening to their conversation, the usual drifter that I am ;) I drifted far away yet again.


Drifted away to a land so far that it had only glimpses of my childhood, a land so far that the only voice was mine and friends’ giggling, so far that the scorching sun too brought about smiles, so far that I remember wondering what was on the other end of the sea. That was when I realized that how fast the time had surpassed and questioned myself where in the time have those happy moments frozen?

A Mangalorean by heart and soul it would be of a shock if I did not love the beaches.  The Beach for me is one of those gifts from nature which cannot be matched. The Ice creams, those colorful balloons, smell of the unhealthy junk but yummy chaats were the main reasons why I loved the beach. One more fact could be because I was never yelled at if I played with the sand which was not the case if I came home with a dirty dress from school. As time passed, going with the family and playing in the water became of utmost interests. The colorful seashells that went into my collection always created a curiosity within me. Playing on sands trying to build castles and protecting it from the waves was such a joy, the high spirited winds made me want to match its spirit. The crabs in the sea shore which often went into a hole in the sand and got us running to catch it still makes me anxious.
Soon, Beach became a favorite spot to hang out with the gang of friends, all of us would go on bikes, get soaked completely from head to toe, those funny games which made just no sense to others but was FULL ON MASTHI for us..  The road side junk food still remained of interest but somehow the crabs, the sea shells and the sand went unnoticed.
Then, a trip to beach was with friends when we would often walk on the shore talking about the things in general. We would look at every one else playing, sit on the shore at times and wait for the sun to set. Again amid the talking, we would sometimes walk, taking care that only our feet is wet. May be its our conscience, or the guilt or deprived of not being able to enjoy like before, that we begin to justify the reason why we cannot get wet. The reason would be obviously very shallow which would often go like, not having brought extra clothes, or having to visit another friend after this. Now certainly, we missed the sand which we once protected, the water which brought all happiness, the colorful sea shells which caught our attention and those crabs behind which we once ran. Adding to it is that the ice creams and the chaats that seemed of no interest anymore. However, it was only our luck if we don’t get carried away talking and be able to witness the sunset, the sole reason for us to be there.  
Then as fate would have it, there had come a time when I visited the beach all alone. I cannot recollect the reason but wanted some time for myself. It then dawned upon me, now there were no noises of my family around, nor voices of my friends calling my name. It was just me, the sea, the sand and the wind. Sitting on the sea shore alone, I thought of all the bygone days. For some time it was the regular thing because of which I wanted to time for myself. But, this time the beauty of nature won over me and I again happened to notice those things I did long back. I then wondered, how with time, did I fail to notice the waves, which still danced happily that I am back, as if to wrap me in its invisible arms and hold me tight never to let go. The sand was still there glowing in the setting sun when I touched it. It reminded me that it is the one which helped me build castles of my dreams. It had moulded itself the way I wanted it to. My thought of me having protected it from being swept away was mere foolishness but the reason was my fear of the dream getting ruined. The wind began singing in the same strange manner like before and tried to persuade me to regain those high spirits. I then turned around and saw the crabs running around as if it did not want to see me anymore. I noticed the horizon which still made me feel how small we are before the nature. Those ships far away  looked like they have all stopped sailing, forgotten their destinations and are all witnessing that one of their ardent admirer is back.
This was the same place which brought about happiness when I was a child when I knew nothing about grief or joy. It was me who later somehow ignored it, trying to catch up with the pace of life. After such long time, when I am here they were all back together trying to erase my pain and remind me of all those happy and silly moments when my world was just carefree.
When, I scribbled my name on the sand, it obliged as if to denote that it is too weak and light to be able to build my dreams, like the way it did build my castles before. When I stepped into the water it tried to convey that it is too cold just like before and cannot provide me with the warmth I wanted. The wind constantly engulfing me suggested that it was happy to see me in high spirits like itself and wants me to be the same. The number of seashells was somehow less but the beauty it added to the shore was the way rainbow does to the sky. I, then sat there witnessing the sunset. The sky turned bright orange as if to bid the sun good bye, the breeze was chill and faster paying its respect to the sun, but the water on the beach now became warm giving me the warmth I wanted. It felt like the sun is taking away all the beauty along with it, but with a promise that it will be back soon with another day which would be certainly worth living.




Love to All,
HPK!!!