.in“NO! NO! NO!”. Check that out man.. That’s so easy... Isn’t it?
I said this to myself a million times now and a zillion times before to make myself or may be my alter ego follow as to how easy in the world is it to say “NO!” They are just two Alphabets “N” and “O”. Yet, I fail miserably every time and ensure myself that this will be the last time I am running away from the fact that I am pathetically incapable of saying the silly word “NO”.
I have realized that I suffer from this severe disorder which makes me completely incapable to pronounce the word “NO”. I have christened this disorder as “Nonophobia”. The tragedy is that my profession demands this word every other second and I end up choosing to waste immense amount of time but yet do not prefer to whisper that little word. I wonder looking at people who seem like all they know is this negative word as to don’t they have any word in their dictionary? But, when I realize what a loss am I facing since that is one of the few words missing form my vocal dictionary I choose to keep quiet and not dare to make a comment on it.
To be honest, I have always had trouble in my life just because of Nonophobia. Am sure you guys would be very eager to know the symptoms. You should realize that you suffer from it when-
· Uneasiness if you know that in some time you are supposed to blurt out this word.
· Then you realize uneasiness is caused since you know that the listener is going to be hurt and highly depressed or mostly may think wrong of you. (This can be the alter ego trying to influence your thoughts)
· Your thoughts mostly is towards thinking how uncomfortable or low will the listener feel and t you will be the sole reason for their grief.
· At times when you have option of either telling it orally or written. You immediately chose the latter. (Escaping the situation)
· You realize that your saying no would be determined by another person as you are doing this because you just do not want to help/ support them.
Having written this I now feel that this whole problem arises because WE THINK when we shouldn’t be doing so. J I have screwed things for myself successfully a lot of times. But, the big blow was when I realized that it is hampering my work. Being a HR, the first word one should know is “NO” because that’s the result of 90% of the interviews conducted. You would often complain of a HR not giving you a reply about the interview, but this phobia may be the fact and I personally know lots of them indulging in “Silence” since they suffer from Nonophobia. However, my work ethics does not permit myself to leave things unfinished and it’s complete only when I let the candidate know the result, for which I prefer sending him mail.
Last Friday I was caught up in a similar situation. This time I chose to face my phobia and tell it to a fresher directly in a very polite manner. I went up to him and saw his face with all expectations seeking for an answer from me so that he can immediately reply with a “thank you!” He held his phone so tightly as if he would soon give a call back home to let them know about the result. I found myself thinking if I should mail but I finally told him that one word. He was blank, gaped at me and said “Pardon”. Demotivation was all I could see on his face. He was upset and then revealed to me how his confidence is going low since he cannot bag any jobs. I then turned on the philosopher in me and convinced him that things will work out and on how he should go about it. After 20 minutes of talk, that smile was back on his face. He then thanked me and confessed that he is feeling much better. Just before leaving, he thanked me for giving him a feedback unlike many other HR.
J I did feel a little bad initially looking at how demotivated my response made him feel but ultimately he had regained all his confidence back and probably now knew how he had to improve himself. I was happy that this phobia of mine which I just overcame had infact proved to be helpful for somebody indirectly. Laughing at how wrong I was until now, I realized as to even a negative response if stated with a proper reason or justification and communicated in a right manner will ultimately give a positive result.
Didn’t we all learn in Mathematics (negative *negative)= positive?? It took me so long to ultimately figure that out!!! Silly me! :)