March 25, 2011

Its all about a Moment!!! PART-2

Continuation of the blog Its all about a moment!!! Part- 1
If you have missed reading my previous post, go through this link- 
http://juzzthotzzz.blogspot.com/2011/03/its-all-in-moment.html









He thought twice before answering the phone since he felt a little too conscious for reasons unknown. As he contemplated to decide, one of his friend answered the call. Shocked, he abused his friend in all languages he ever knew at the back of his mind. Finally after some time which felt like eternity, his friend handed the phone to him. 

She said “Hello”
He- “Hi..Hey.. Hello” (Attempt was to be normal but he knew he had screwed it up already)
She- “You alright? Hey, I don't really think I can come down today. I shall tell you the reason some time later”
He- “Oh! That's fine. None of us are missing you here anyways!” (He never hated himself more than this ever in his life, he always knew she had a strong instinct and guessed otherwise but what bothered him now was if she was hurt)
She- “I know. Apologies again, You have fun and enjoy. I will call you up in a day or two”
He- “So you are serious? No issues. Bye” (He expected her to say that she isn't, but he knew she was)
She- “Yes! You Take care, Good luck and be in touch, Dare you forget us all”
Beep... Beep.. Went the phone line and he stood there expressionless.

He sat very uncomfortable lost deep in his thoughts amidst all. Soon all wished him good bye for now, promising they would see him at the station. That is when he realized that he just had another 3 more hours to go. Finally unable to suppress the voice within him, he decided to meet her before leaving. He dialled and a hello tune of a Hindi romantic number played in his ears, which reminded him of he pulling her legs for even listening to it. But strangely, he had begun to like that song. Soon, she answered the call and checked if it was all fine. With uneasiness, he revealed that he thought of checking if she would be coming to the station with all others. She in a guilty voice said that she is afraid it won't be possible and the call ended.

Battling all these worries was another that he finally had to leave. All bid him good bye at home and he along with his friend headed towards the station. One of his friends questioned him since he was silent, but he escaped it just like he did the whole day. Suddenly all began cheering for him and he saw everyone looking at the other direction. He was now loosing his cool because he simply didn't know which voice to listen to, the one outside or the one echoing within him. He turned towards the direction all were seeing and was shocked to see her approaching. He suddenly knew he liked the outside noise far more and it was for the second time in the entire day that he smiled.

She was dressed in white, the colour he always loved her in. He still couldn't sink in what he saw. He felt out of place, happy, confused and restless. Noticing that she had a big cardboard box he knew they had got him a farewell cake. As he approached the place, he gathered up all the courage to glance at her, but the moment she looked at him, he looked away. He was happy somehow, but wasn't mentally prepared for this and did not know if he should thank his stars or curse them. As he cut the cake, he thought if he should give her the first piece but he was not the courageous, daring, confident person he once was. Love had weakened him. Gradually, he noticed that after all the talks, when there was twenty more minutes he found her seated beside him. 

He wanted this moment to freeze forever. He wanted to tell her how he felt, he wanted to promise her he would take care of her if she said yes, he wanted to apologize for pulling her legs just to be cool before his friends, he wanted to let her know how much he would miss her, he wanted to tell her how important she was. Having thought all this, he also knew that this is not the right time, he feared her negative response, he did not want their friendship at stake. Suddenly, she turned towards him and asked him as to why was he gaping at her. This is when he realized that he indeed was. He chose not to answer her question, stared at her again and smiled instead. Immediately, he moved away because he could not bear looking at her or seeing her going away. He gave all his friends a tight hug but knew deep inside she felt a little weird about the whole situation. He then went upto her, shook her hands and said that she had been a great friend. She with a puzzled look wished him all the best. 

He thanked everybody and walked towards his train. He did not want to look back. He found a seat for himself which was beside the window and saw all his friends waving at him. His heart broke too see her smiling and waving good bye. He knew she had noticed his strange behaviour but feared if it was too obvious. As all began leaving, he thought if he could ever tell this to her or should he ever tell her. Now, he realized his train had begun to move. He cursed the railways thinking why couldn't the train be late this time. All his friends were moving away. He just begged God (the one he never believed in) to give him a sign if he should ever in his life attempt telling her the truth or leave it all unsaid. Thinking this, he looked outside and the train had begun to speed up. Almost all his friends including her were near the exit. Strangely enough, he saw her passing the exit and then peeping back a final time with a smile only to disappear again. By now, he heard his mobile beep and on unlocking saw a text from her saying- “I will miss you!!”.

He smiled or he cried, he failed to understand. His wish was granted. He took a deep breath and replied to the text - “I too will for sure. Looking forward to see you when I return. Take care until we meet again”.

Adios, 
HPK!!!

March 17, 2011

Its all about a Moment!!! PART-1



                                                    

He kept checking and rechecking his list repeatedly just to ensure he had packed everything. Despite of everyone talking at home, there was a weird silence he felt all around. Amidst these tensions, he received a hundred calls from his friends and relatives wishing him good luck. He answered it all, he listened and responded for it all, but still he felt low. This was the day he dreaded because he finally had to go.

He had to move into a new city and begin his first job. When the voices in his head were getting louder for him to ignore, he locked himself up in a room and stood before the mirror.
He looked at himself and asked- “why are you so fucking uneasy? Why this confused behavior? What is bothering you?”
He told himself aloud - “This is what you always wanted. To be independent. Moreover you do not have to worry because you are going to build the career.”
He continued consoling - “Believe me, you will make loads of friends and after all, that is one thing you are very good at”

But yet, he failed to convince himself, there was something lacking, as if there was a vacuum created deep within. He then, realized that there was another voice within himself which is trying to strike a conversation but he himself is deliberately suppressing it.

This followed with a loud bang on his door. As he opened the door, his Mom looked straight into his eyes and asked with a concern- “Whats wrong? Are you alright”.With a smiling face and not maintaining a eye contact he replied- “Can I get some tea. Guess I have a little headache”. As she walked towards the kitchen, he locked himself up in the bathroom and let that voice speak to him now. There was loads of stress, there was pain, he was unable to follow what is actually happening and he turned towards the mirror again. There he saw tears rolling down his eyes. He wiped it with both his hand and tried not to make any sound. He clutched his hands firmly around the basin, bent towards the mirror and spoke with his teeth clenched - “Stop crying you Moron! Whats fucking wrong with you? Its all bull shit. You are not made for it. Screw it anyways because its not worth it.” More tears rolled, his eyes went red as he continued- “You never believed in it, did you? Be positive and think of your career. She was just a friend. That’s the end”.

The Irony was that this wasn't the end but it was just the beginning. He couldn't believe that he just said that. He was shocked, perplexed to utter anything more. He couldn't gather up any more courage to look at himself. He leaned on the wall and slithered down onto the floor and wept continuously until his head hurt. That was the truth, he dreaded it for sometime now. It was something he never wanted to accept because he knew she was his weakness. He looked at his watch and realized he had 6 more hours to board the train and leave the city, leave his family for the first time, leave her, leave everything unsaid, unfinished and incomplete. He hated this situation but he hated himself all the more for being responsible for all this mess. Suddenly, he heard his Mom talking to some people which sounded like his friends. He wanted to meet them before they smelt something fishy. Washing his face, he tried hard to lower the voice that was deafening him in the inside and walked out of the bathroom with a grin spread across his face.

Outside in the living room, it was a party. Variety of dishes, lots of friends, some parting away gifts, some laughing and some glued to the television. As he spoke, his eyes scanned the crowd, he searched for her, but in vain. He tried to be the best at his usual stupid self, and dreaded to ask a very normal question as to where is she? But as he made up his mind to ask this, he felt his heart beating louder, a strange shiver ran through his body and he stopped after repeated attempts. As he sat there a little dull and disconnected from the real world, his phone rang flashing her name on the screen and her smiling pic which was one of his favourites. Strangely Enough, he smiled. :)

To Be Continued.......

See you all soon, :)
HPK!!!



March 14, 2011

Its Payback Time!!!



My Inbox is still filled with your mails,
If I read, It will only make me want to wail!
Faking promises, every dot so perfect,
But today I ask, Why were you so dishonest?

All you were, is a bitter disguise,
I believed it all without even being wise!
I wonder what was it that I saw in your eyes,
But today I know, just like the inbox my life is filled with your lies!!

Those little gifts and those cards,
Once valuable, now remain only to discard!
Not once, the truth in me you did confide,
But today I ask, did you atleast mean it when you lied?

All claim am a looser, all say I am lame,
They all say more than you, I should only take the blame!
I just smile thinking how it was all a facade,
And today I tell, if you listened to him, you would probably do the same.
,
The true feeling I have is of rage,
Do not mistake my soberness and think of me a sage!
Beneath the sorrow and the hurt,
Today, I want to tell you that you are a pervert!!

You think its all going your way,
But honey, I am going to make you pay!
For all the promises and the dreams broken,
Today, I tell, you have no choice but to accept my token!!

Enough of your deception, now let me watch,
I will watch you, as your lady will read it all,
I will watch your printed lies ruining your everything!
And then I will ask, Honey, is she still wearing your ring?

Cheers,
HPK!!!